Where do you find your motivation?

I got into this sight at the beginning of a phase, a huge phase that changed me, changed who I was, what I liked, what I did. I got an account on this site right when everyone was going through the same phase and met so many people.

About four years back, when buzznet was full of fakes and full of terrible fan fics, back when it was somehow at its peak, everybody was into a group of bands. They were just the main bands of buzznet and they were My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, and AFI. I was one of the AFI kids.

I couldn't write well, I was shallow, and I didn't understand hardly anything that I was listening to by them, but I knew one thing. I loved them. Those boys, Adam Carson, Hunter Burgan, Jade Puget, and Davey Havok, I loved them. They were my heart and soul for the longest time. I think they were the first band that I felt any kind of true connection with.

All the kids back then, all we wanted to do was write and read and fantasize about our idols. We all wanted to meet them, but we also knew that it wouldn't happen. AFI was and still is a huge band, They're so mainstream it's ridiculous and we knew it. We knew how slim our chances were. I don't know about the rest of the kids I talked to on this account, but I know I just stopped thinking about it. It was unrealistic and I just didn't even try.

Four years, three months, and seven days after joining this site, I finally went to an AFI concert here in Houston, Texas. It was at Verizon Wireless and it was probably one of the best nights of my life. Although Crash Love isn't my favorite album off of them by far, they played it well and also played a CD's worth of other songs. The lights were spectacular, their stage presences were amazing, and the sound altogether was just phenomenal. It was the first show that made me cry just listening to them.

Still, we had had some excitement before that. At a previous show we had gone to at the same venue, we bumped into someone that Kay's dad knew and got some hookups, signed setlists and what not. This time, we planned in advance.

A good hour of waiting in line, plus thirty minutes of bouncing around inside the venue with anticipation next to a giant bouncer, a father, and a family friend, and we were suddenly walking backstage. We ran into a particularly tall drummer, making my jaw literally drop and causing him to laugh as he walked away. All of us chilled in the friend's office for a bit. It was Kay, my cousin Sarah, and I. It was Sarah's first show and it would be one to remember.

A buzz from a familiar voice on his walkie talkie and we were up and walking again. We walked down two flights of stairs and turned into a hallway, seeing Hunter Burgan on a laptop and a door at the end of the small hall opened, revealing Adam again and Dave.

If my body wasn't being shocked with adrenaline over and over again, I probably would have died.

They introduced themselves and Adam started us off with a generic, "Where are you from?" Kay answered, being the tlakative type and launched us into a conversation about Sugar Land, cows, and wildcats. Hunter was "into it". Another question about a Brandan Schieppati confused poor Davey, but we got through it with the help of Mr. Carson.

Smith came down at one point in boxing gloves. I duked it out with him for a good few seconds, got a couple of laughs, then returned to my former place.

We didn't have much time because the guys had an interview to do. Jade was in the Despair Faction room with the other kiddies while we got this little private meet and greet. It was quite nice actually.

We got a picture, the boys signed things, and we got hugs, Dave letting out a pretty surprising, "I like where this is going," when I wrapped my arms around him. Heh, yeah.

We returned to the main venue after thanking Smith and Kevin profusely and watched the rest of the show.

So, to sum it all up, I went to the show I've been waiting for for over four years with my best friends, got the hookups we'd always wished for, met three- fourths of the band I've idolized since I was eleven along with their tour manager, heard Dave use a double negative, watched as Adam stole my cousin's shoe, boxed with Smith Puget, talked about wildcats with the guys I would have sold my soul to if that had been the trade- off, got hit on by the man who held my heart a few years back, then watched a fantastic show from the back of the crowd, which was completely worth it.

Looking back, I never would have thought it would happen. To be honest, I still don't believe it did, but I've got the proof.

 

Holy crap.

Thanks to Kevin, whom I owe my soul and others, Smith, for getting the guys to meet us there really quickly, the guys of AFI themselves, Dave, Hunter, and Adam for coming in and talking, and Jade for staying with the other kids and not giving us THAT much of an ego boost, Papa Rob, for trying his damndest to get us back there, and for the kids I spent a year with on this website, writing, wishing and dreaming with, which only made my love for this band to grow.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime.

11.21.09

Okay, I told you guys that this was my FIRST FIC EVER and I wasn't kidding. It's terrible, like seriously. This is the worst thing I've ever written in my life. It's gag- worthy, horrendous, shoot your eyes out, horrible. I'm not exaggerating here, people.

Anyway, keep in mind, I was TWELVE YEARS OLD, and had no idea how to form a correct plat, so like, everyone falls in love and crap within like, two days and apparently describing, or failing at describing, make out scenes was naughty back then. *snort*

Anyway, all the events are really lame and it fails as a fic as a whole. DO NOT take this seriously. Please, laugh at it with me. >.> Some of the lines in it are really freaking lame and cheesey and it's just all around terrible.

Also, (hah, I didn't say Anyway) this is when my best friend was another girl named Sarah, though Sage/Kay comes into it after a while. My real name in this is going to be changed to Vee, as when Sage pops up she will be, well, Sage. 

Also, I'm not editing this AT ALL as I go along. I'm keeping ALL the typos, ALL the stupid author's notes, not capitalizing what needs to be capitalized. You get my drift, so not only is the plot messed up beyond belief, but it's going to be basically unbearable to read because of all the grammar f- ups. >.>

And just for the record, the main guys in this are Davey Freakin' Havok and Bert McCracken. Uhh huhh. (:

Good God Almighty, here we go. -.-

 

Chapter 1: meeting everyone

So I was sitting in my living room watching FUSE waiting for my best friend Sarah to call me back. I had already left her two voicemails begging her to wake up and didn't feel like trying any harder. It was in the middle of one of my favorite music videos (the days of the phoenix to be exact) when she finally called. "Og course she picks now to call." I shrugged and got up and answered the phone. "Yello." I said. "Hey what's up?" Sarah said. "Ehhh nothing much. Just watching FUSE." We jumped right into our usual conversation. Music. "I can't believe we're missing that AFI, From First To Last, and The Used concert!" I said angrily. "I know! And all because we don't have a stupid ride! I mean they're our favorite bands!" Sarah said. "Hold on, someone's at my door." Sarah said. "Okay." All of a sudden I heard her yell "Oh my God! that's Davey Havok! And that's Sonny Moore! And... oh my God that's Bert McCracken!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" at the top of her lungs. "Sarah what are you talking about?" I said but then realized that that she had set the phone down. I could hear people talking but I couldn't tell who. Then Sarah picked up the phone and said, "Vienna get your ass over here here right now!" then she hung up. Well I had no ride so I was stuck with walking. It's a good thing that we don't live too far away from each other. I got another change of clothes just in case it was something big and I had to stay the night or something. As I was walking down the street I mumbled to myself "this better be good if I'm walking all this way." I finally made it to her house and noticed a giant tour bus outside that had AFI printed on it. "Oh my God it's really them!" I said. I started pounding on the door and Sarah answered as if nothing was happening. "Where's Davey?"I asked frantically. "Chill out he's upstairs." I then calmed down and went upstairs to put my stuff away and flipped out when I saw Davey walk out of the bathroom. "Hi I'm Davey from AFI. What's your name?" he asked. I just about fainted at the sound of his voice. "V- v-v-v-v..." was all I managed to say. Sarah came up behind me. "Vienna." She said. "Okay then well I'll see you later v-v-v-Vienna." He said jokingly. He smiled and walked away. I turned to Sarah who was laughing. "How could you let me make myself look like a total ass in front of Davey freakin' Havok!?" I said. "Well how was I supposed to know that you were going to forget your own name?!" She said. I sighed and walked downstairs. Sarah followed. We walked into the den and saw Sonny singing to one of his own music videos that just happened to be on FUSE. "We need to be MEDICATED" he yelled. Sarah and I walked into the kitchen and got a two glasses of water. I saw Sonny sneaking up behind Sarah and he gave me a look that said "shhh...don't tell her." I nodded. He all of a sudden poked her in her side (where she is very ticklish) She spit the water that was in her mouth out into the cup. "Ewwww...Gross." I said. "Hi I'm Sonny and this is Wilbur Shalalnut. "He said as he held up a ratted teddy bear that had a missing eye and  an ear that had been sewn on numerous times. "Say hi Wilbur!" he said and he held the bear up and waved one of its hands. "Sonny, nap time!" Jono yelled from upstairs. "But I'm not tired." Sonny whined. "I don't care. Now get your little booty up here." Jono said. Sonny laughed. "Ha, you said booty!" he said. Sarah and I snickered at how immature he was. Jono sighed. "Sonny if you don't get up here then you're grounded!" he said in a kinda angry voice. "Well it was nice talking to you lovely ladies." Sonnay said, "But me and Wilbur here need to go take a nap." He walked away and went upstairs. Then Jade came into the kitchen. "Hey do you by any chance have any granola bars?" he asked. Sarah and I laughed. We had read all these stories saying that he was obsessed with granola bars, but we didn't know it was actually true. "Yeah, in the pantry." Sarah said pointing to the pantry. "okay thanks." He said. We watched him as he took a bar from the box. He then took another and looked up. He ended up taking the whole box. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with this water." Sarah said staring down at the cup of water in her hands. "Oh thanks." Jade said as he took the cup out of her hands and drank all of it. We looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably. "I wonder what he's gonna do when he finds out those granola bars are two years old!" Sarah said. We laughed. 

OKAY. I told you guys it was TERRIBLE.

This is what it would be if I wrote this NOW, though. (: Have fun reading, guys.

 

Chapter One: The Crew Arrives

 

My eyes hurt... A lot. I had been staring at the TV for at least four hours straight, waiting for my friend, who wasn't actually my friend, to call me back. After leaving her two voicemails, begging and groveling for her to just please wake up, I just lost all hope, threw my phone on the other side of the couch and focused on all the pretty pictures an people that were flashing on my screen. 

Of course, knowing Sarah and here impeccable timing, she called right in the middle of a music video that featured a very beaten, bloodied, and sexy Brandan Schieppati sporting a bat and beating the shit out of people who looked like they were from The Hills Have eyes. "Christ Al-fucking-mighty," I mumbled, picking the phone up, "What do you want, skank?" I questioned.

"Just callin' you back because you like, called a lot while I was asleep. Anyway, tell me again why we're missing the concert with all of your scary- ass bands again? I mean, I don't even listen to them, but I've had to put up with your bitching for the past couple of weeks, so I want to know why we're not going."

I sighed and laid back on the couch, muting the screams coming from the televisions speakers and doing my best to ignore the beautiful figure on screen. "Because, Sarah, Sage is out of town for these few days and we can't drive because we're only fifteen."

"I guess it's good since all you'd do is open your legs for the band members, eh Vee?"

"Yeah, probably, damn my illegalness, but hey, pedophilia obviously turns me on since I have some kind of complex with close to thirty year old men," I mused, laughing a little to myself. 

"Yeah, I guess so. Hold on, someone is ringing my doorbell incessantly and I feel the need to check it out with you still on the phone with me so that if it just so happens to be anyone of importance, I can scream and drop the phone, just so that you're left curious and frustrated."

"You do that," I muttered, unmuting my TV and frowning as I realized that Kill To Believe was over already, "Dammit."

I could hear Sarah parading around on the other end of the phoneline, the device dropping from my hand when I heard a shrill scream of, "Holy shit, scary men are outside of my house!" She paused for a moment and I could make out a whole lot of obnoxiously loud voices, a few of them sounding familiar. "Oh my gosh, it's Zacky Vengeance!" I automatically cringed at the name, but just got up and clicked the phone off, grabbing an already packed bag and making my way over to my friend's house because I knew that if I didn't go then, she'd end up telling me to. It all seemed rather cliché. Call it a gut instinct, if you wish.

There were three buses in the front of the house. How did they get into the neighborhood and stall out? I'm not quite sure, but they did. It was all rather convenient, if you ask me. Naturally, the buses were painted with Avenged Sevenfold, Bleeding Through, and Eighteen Visions. However, when I let myself into the house, finding Sarah sitting around on the computer like nothing was happening at all and my idols weren't all just walking around her house with nothing to do, I soon noticed that about half of Eighteen V was missing, a few members out of Bleeding Through were nowhere to be found and two members from Atreyu were just aimlessly milling around.

"Where's Sheep?" I asked Sarah, holding my bag closer to me and scuffing dirty converse on the ground.

She looked at me like I was crazy, "Vee, I know that there a lot of people that I don't know here, but I can assure you that there are no sheep in my house. Jesus Christ."

I rolled my eyes, "No, it's a guy. About yay high," I held my hand a little over my head, "Short black hair, dark eyes, butterfly tattoos, sexy as fuck, yeah him, where is he?"

"Oh, you're talking about the small angry one, aren't you?" I snorted but nodded anyway, "I think he's upstairs lifting random large objects to get in a workout for the day with M. Shadows." Again, I let out a very unflattering laugh then started making my way upstairs to put my shit down and somehow find a way to run into the man I was looking for in a very small hallway.

My breath caught in my throat when he grinned down at me, noting the Medusa shirt I had on with his band's name scrawled out on it. "Hey, I'm Brandan Schieppati from Bleeding Through and apparently, I really like giving formal introductions of myself. Who're you?"

"I- I- I, my name is V-V-V-, Wow, I obviously have an even worse stuttering problem than Matt, so can I get back to you on that?" Brandan laughed and nodded. 

"I'll call you stutter girl, for now." I rolled my eyes before stealing a hug from him and walking downstairs to meet up with Sarah in the den, watching as Johnny jumped on couches, sang off pitch and air- bassed to Bat Country, which was being overplayed once again on the Television. I rolled my eyes a little and followed Sarah into the kitchen, ignoring the very loud, "Sometimes I wonder why we'd rather live than die." 

"You don't have any idea who these people are, do you?" I asked her, pouring myself a glass of water and moving aside when she went to do the same.

"Not a clue," I nodded and watched out of the corner of my eye as the Seward kid snuck up slowly behind my almost friend, holding a finger to his lips and telling me to stay quiet as Sarah drank her water slowly, completely oblivious to the munchkin who was about to violate her in one way or another. 

Water was everywhere in a flash, Johnny having dug his 'W' finger into Sarah's side. He was now in a giggling mess on the floor as I complained about there being spit all over me now. "That's really fuckin' gross, man."

"JOHNNY," the familiar voice of Matt Sanders boomed out from upstairs. johnny looked up a little worried, "IT'S FUCKING NAPTIME."

Johnny pouted and crossed his arms, "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A FUCKING NAP, MATTY. I'm a grown fuckin' man," he grumbled the last part, rolling his eyes at the vocalist when he heard the loud footsteps tromping down the staircase.

"Jonathan Lewis, I swear to God, if you don't get upstairs right fucking now, I will personally tear you a new one," Sandman basically growled.

Johnny tried squaring up to him, looking up to meet his eyes, "You already did, Matt, remember?" the smaller of the two smirked, his voice soft all of a sudden as a pale hand came to rest on Matt's chest.

Matt coughed and backed away, "Well then, uhm, you don't necessarily have to take a nap," I was laughing pretty hard by now, knowing exactly where this was going because I'm a freaky little fangirl and read slash too often, "but it'd be nice if you'd accompany me to one of the bedrooms." Johnny smiled and nodded, grabbing onto the large man's hand and pretty much pulling him out of the kitchen before Sarah could even do anything about it. 

Ah, gay love.

We waited for a total of six seconds before someone else walked in, an Ektor Alexander Varkatzas, to be precise. "Hey, you chicks got any protein shakes? I need something to fill me up."

Sarah turned to me, "You know? I'm kind of having deja vu, only I feel like we actually had what he wanted..." she trailed off and I just lifted an eyebrow before turning to Alex.

"No, we don't have any alex. Sorry."

He shrugged before taking Sarah's water out of her hand, sipping some of it and handing it back to her, "It's no big deal. Matt probably has some somewhere."

"If he doesn't check Brandan's suitcase!" I called out after him as he walked out of the kitchen. He gave me a thumbs up sign before hopping up the stairs, taking two at a time.

"I'm still having deja vu, man," Sarah voiced after a short amount of time.

I looked at her for a while before shurgging my shoulders and walking out of the kitchen, "Hmm, I can't imagine where it's coming from."

 

 

Oh yes. Keep in mind, the purple one was rushed and something called a spoof. I'm not serious about any of this. >.> By the way, I may not do this very often, like, at all, because it takes a good while to retype the original chapter, then come up with stuff for the modern chapter, so yeah. Don't expect much out of it. 

:D

Btw, the granola bar thing in the original, I thin every AFI fic that I ever read on here when I was twelve had something about Jade eating granola bars. no freakin' joke. It was ridiculous.

Anyway, wonderful, isn't it? ;D ♥

I've been on my other profile this whole time, no joke, which if you haven't added it, you should because it's way cooler than this one.

Anyway, I'm thinking about reposting the first fic that I ever wrote to this account, just for laughs and to show everyone how much I've improved. In between posting that, I might throw in a few one shots with my newer obsessions and what not. What do you say?

Nothing, of course. (;

Seriously, though, it's terrible. I'm way better at it all now, I promise you. >.>

I can't believe it.
I can't even fathom how this happened.
I don't even know how it came to be.
But I do know that I've hurt someone really bad.
And I know exactly what I've put him through.
I don' know how many sorry's I have to say to win his respect back.
I guess there's no point in asking, but it's worth a try.
I just can't beleieve I did that.

Okay, so here's how I figured out what I was doing in the fisrt place...

Well, I had just finished writing something in a journal and was putting it away.
I turned out my light and looked up at my ceiling and began talking to Casey.
Not out loud, just praying.
Yes, I pray, shuttup.
So I was telling hi the situation I was in and how I was just being a total bitch.
And as I got more into the details,
I began to see a resemblence in a certain guy that has been torturing me
for the past few months.
It was like the hardest slap in the face ever.
And it hurt pretty bad, too.
I just...ughh.

I'm so sorry...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Does that help at all?
Ughhh, I'm just...I'm so sorry.
and just so you know, I really do love you.
I hate that I put you through so much shit.

-Missy[is hopeless]

Life On Standby--Hawthorne Heights

The distance and my hearts to sand,
Flowing through the hourglass.
Time to let go of all we know ,
And break our hearts in stride.

I need you now more like yesterday.
The last day I could see you smile.
For the last time turn out the lights.
My life on standby.

So standby and watch this fall away and fall apart.

Just say that it's over, it's over, and she’s gone.
(Now she's gone.)
“Don't worry,” he said and she's not coming home.
(She's not coming home.)
It's over, and she's gone.

The distance and my hearts to sand, 
Flowing through the hourglass.
I fall to pieces.
I can't let go of all the times. 
I never said goodbye. (Now it's over.) 

Just say that it's over, it's over, and she's gone.
(Now she's gone.)
“Don't worry,” he said, and she's not coming home.
(She's not coming home.)
It's over and she's gone.

(Wake up.) 
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.
Wake up now.
It's over (Wake up.)
Just tell me it's ok to die. (Wake up.)

Wake up now.
It's over. (Wake up.)
Just tell me it's ok to die.

Wake up now.
It's over.
Just tell me it's ok to die.

Wake up now.
It's over.
Just tell me its ok to die.


Has this song ever seemed so ironic?
It does to me.
Casey seemed to always have a smile on his face.
He'll be missed greatly.
I hope he knows that.





RIP Casey Calvert.
You're forever loved.